<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Uncomfortably Numb by tenchsbitch</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186532">Uncomfortably Numb</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenchsbitch/pseuds/tenchsbitch'>tenchsbitch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Impressions, First Meetings, Implied Sexual Content, Magic, Prologue, Unplanned Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:42:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186532</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenchsbitch/pseuds/tenchsbitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape was built for heartache. It was all he knew, so when you called off the relationship, he walked away. He would break you before you could break him. What happens if you reunite again as professors at Hogwarts? Will he choose to forgive you, his one true soulmate? Or will he hold a grudge, even if it makes the both of you miserable?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Severus Snape/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Uncomfortably Numb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay, so I suck at summaries ... like I am absolutely terrible, but I really hope you get past that and enjoy the story. :) any feedback is appreciated, but not required lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were best friends with Lily Evans. Your family lived a few houses down from Lily in Cokeworth, England. You’d known her practically all your life. Your parents encouraged the friendship, but you always felt small around her older sister, Petunia. It was like she looked down on you. You didn’t blame her though. You and Lily were able to do things that people like Petunia couldn’t. Although, you weren’t sure what ‘people like Petunia’ meant. It wasn’t until you met a boy named Severus Snape that you found out why the two of you always felt so withdrawn from your families. </p><p>It was a clear day when Lily convinced you to sneak out of the house with her. Her parents were gone at work and Petunia was supposed to be watching the two of you. “Come on, y/n. Petunia won’t even know we’re gone.” She went on about Severus and insisted that you had to meet him. </p><p>“Fine.” You hesitantly agreed, looking back at Petunia who was lost in a book. Lily grabbed your hand and ran with you outside and down the neighborhood to a grassy lot. You saw a young boy with long black hair that was being softly pushed by the wind. If you had only given him a quick glance, you wouldn’t notice that his clothes were likely passed down from an older sibling, or maybe his parents. The clothes were obviously worn. It made sense when Lily told you he was from Spinner’s End, not too far away from Lily’s house, but still a very different neighborhood. “Is that him?” You caught your breath from the run. </p><p>The two of you approached. “Hi, Severus.” Lily smiled. </p><p>A soft pink blush appeared on his face. “Hi.” He said shyly. </p><p>“This is y/n.” Lily spoke with sophistication and then dropped her voice to a whisper even though no one else was around. “She’s a witch too.” </p><p>A witch? You thought. It sounded like an insult, but the way Lily and Severus shared a giggle pushed the worry out of your mind. </p><p>Severus led you two to a large tree, where you sat in a triangle, hearing him tell tales of the wizarding world. It was like being read a bedtime story, but when he showed his magical abilities, you listened intently. You soaked in every little detail. He told you about Hogwarts and told you that he would be getting a letter to attend soon and that Lily and you would too. He told you about his mother who was a pure blood witch. You assumed that’s who told him all about the wizarding world. He spoke with innocent excitement. “I’m going to be a Slytherin like my mom.” </p><p>“I bet I’ll be a Gryffindor.” Lily smiled, cheek to cheek, showing off her freckles. </p><p>“Lily!” You heard a shriek from across the lot, silencing the childish giggles from your lips. Petunia. </p><p>You and Lily quickly jumped up from your criss-crossed legs with fear in your eyes. “Sorry, Severus. We have to go.” Lily said quickly before grabbing your arms and running toward Petunia. </p><p>“Bye!” You yelled, stealing one last look at the young boy. You saw him hold a hand up in a wave. </p><p>Petunia stood with her hands on her hips before the two of you reached her. She practically dragged you back to her house by the ears. Your hearts were still racing when you got back to the house and sat on the couch. </p><p>“What were you doing with that Snape boy?” Petunia asked snakily. </p><p>“Petunia, we were just talking to him.” Lily brushed it off, but the look on Petunia’s face made you wish Lily hadn’t said anything.</p><p>“I don’t want you talking to him. He’s from Spinner’s End. You know what kind of people live on that end.” </p><p>She continued to show contempt against the young boy and lecture you about talking to strangers, which Lily harshly responded with, “he’s not a stranger.” </p><p>After a moment of silence, Petunia spoke,. “I think you should go home now, y/n.” She told you, while staring daggers into Lily’s forehead. </p><p>You gave Lily a sympathetic look before leaving her house and going back to your house, walk-of-shame style. You walked through the front door and snuck up to your room, throwing yourself onto the bed. You couldn’t get the thought of black-haired boy out of your mind. The stories he shared with you ran circles around your mind as your eyes following the movements of your slow turning ceiling fan. </p><p>Fortunately for you, Lily’s parents didn’t share the news of your little adventure with your parents. Lily wasn’t as lucky. Petunia told her mother and father as soon as the opportunity arose and the punishment was that Lily would be confined to her house for the next three weeks. It seemed harsh, but when you took into account that the two of you did sneak off without telling anyone where you were going, it was a reasonable decision. </p><p>The next day you met Severus by the tree alone. “Where’s Lily?” He asked when he noticed the absence of the red headed girl.</p><p>You filled him in on the lecture you got from Petunia after she embarrassingly dragged you back to her house. “…So, can you show me some more magic?” You asked him shyly.</p><p>He gave you a welcoming smile, meaning ‘I thought you’d never ask.’ He reached down and picked a flower from the grass and held his hand out to you. At first, you thought he was just offering it to you, but then you saw the plant twitch in his hand, before it transformed and flew away much like a butterfly. Your eyes followed the flower in the sky until it disappeared somewhere far into the sky. </p><p>“That was amazing!” You exclaimed. “Do you think you could teach me?” </p><p>He nodded his head and picked another flower from the ground and then placing it in your hand. He held onto your wrist and told you to think of a happy memory, “It helps the magic work better.” </p><p>You focused all of your energy on making the flower fly away. You watched it flutter in your hand, but you were sure it was just the wind until you saw it transform into wings. It went in the same direction as the last flower. “I did it!” Before you knew it, your lips were smashed into Severus’ cheek. You saw face pale face turn pink when you pulled away. “I… I should go before my parents get home.” You ran away, hiding a small smile, before he could tell you stay. He stood in shock and placed a hand where just a moment ago, your lips were. </p><p>————</p><p>It was now your 6th year at Hogwarts and that was the memory you replayed as you summoned your patronus on James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black. Severus was being suspended upside down in the air by James. </p><p>“Leave him alone!” You shouted at the group of Gryffindors. </p><p>“Oh we’re just having some fun. Isn’t that right, Snivellus?” Sirius spoke, laughing at the young Severus Snape. </p><p>“James, put him down!” You heard Lily speak up beside you and James did. Snape fixed his robes as he was dropped back to the ground roughly. “You think you’re being funny, but you’re just an arrogant bullying toerag, Potter.” Lily insulted James and there was a collective ‘ooh’ from the boys behind him. </p><p>Severus picked up his wand, aiming it at James, “I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!” Severus regretted it once it came out of his mouth and he wanted to apologize, but Lily ran away with tears in her eyes before he got the chance. James followed after her, but you stayed behind to check on your friend. “I didn’t mean to say that.” Severus told you, worry seeping through his eyes before he ran off to chase after Lily. </p><p>—————</p><p>You were surprised the next day to see Lily bundled next to James at the Gryffindor table in the great hall. It angered you to see her flirting with the boy. Your eyes flashed over to Severus’ normal spot only to see that he wasn’t there. You approached Lily. “Have you seen Severus?” You asked. </p><p>“You mean Snivellus?” James laughed and Lily nudged him in the ribs. </p><p>“No, I haven’t seen him since yesterday.” She answered with a smile that made you want to hit her. </p><p>You left before you were able to stoop low enough to their level. You went searching through halls, looking everywhere for the pale-faced boy. You ran into a skinny girl with bleach-blonde hair, her black bangs styled just below her eyebrows. You recognized her as a Slytherin student. Narcissa LeStrange. “Cissy!” You called after her. </p><p>She scowled at you. “How dare you call me that!” She looked up and down y/h colored robes. “We’re not friends. Only my friends call me that.” </p><p>“I’m sorry, I—“ You rolled your eyes at her, and gave her a fake apology. “Have you seen Severus? He didn’t come to breakfast and I know Lucius asked you to keep an eye on him after he graduated.” </p><p>Her haughty demeanor diminished and she showed concern at the reminder of the request from her boyfriend.  “He’s not in his dorm, so he’s probably in the clock tower.”</p><p>She barely got the sentence out before you started running towards back in the direction of the Grand Hall. You thought to yourself. You weren’t sure why you were, but you felt like you had to hurry. You didn’t think you’d ever ran with such urgency before in your life. You weren’t watching where you were going and almost knocked Professor Flitwick over on the stairs. You also ran through a game of Gobstones in your mission to make it to the clock tower. By the time you made it to the staircase, you were already struggling to breathe. You paused, bending down to grasp your knees to catch your breath. That’s when you heard a scream from in the tower. </p><p>The shadow of a tall boy seemed to grow bigger and you quickly raised your wand to the figure casting the shadow. “Mobilicorpus!” You shouted and saw a force grab hold of the man. You pulled your wand closer to your body, setting him down on his feet gently in front of you. You lifted the spell off of him and tried to throw your arms around him to hold him in your embrace, but his strength was much stronger than yours. “Severus?” </p><p>“Why did you do that?!” You noticed his eyes were red and puffy, but there were no tears. He had been crying, but he reached the point where he just couldn’t anymore. He was out of emotions. All he felt now was anger. Or embarrassment that you found him like that. He wasn’t sure anymore. All of his feelings felt the same now. </p><p>You dragged him by the sleeve behind the clocktower and away from the few people who were there to see the event. Luckily, he was lanky enough for you to actually control the movements of him. Before he could tear himself away from your hold, your wrapped your arms around. “Severus, why did you do that?” He could feel your heart racing against his chest and he could hear the worry in your voice. He couldn’t bring himself to admit what he’d done. He didn’t like being responsible for the emotions he saw before him. Before he knew it, his arms were holding you just as tight, if not tighter, into his own body. “Promise me you won’t do that again.” </p><p>He felt regret for the rest of the day. He couldn’t find the strength to go to his classes and thankfully you were willing to skip with him. He managed to sneak you into his dorm without anyone noticing. Or so you thought. </p><p>He was sitting on his bed, not really sure where to look, while you sat in the window, watching him when you saw the figure of Albus Dumbledore walk through the Slytherin boys’ dormitory. “Why are my brightest wizard and witch hiding away from their classes? Surely you’re not lost?” The words may have sounded rude if they had come from a less soft spoken wizard. </p><p>You and Severus stood up at the same time. “No sir, not lost, we just lost track of time.” You cringed at the excuse you came up with. </p><p>“Lost track of time, I see.” Dumbledore waved his wand at an unmade bed before sitting on the now sorted, dark green sheets. He popped a lemon drop into his mouth before saying, “And this wouldn’t have anything to do with the events that transpired at the clock tower only an hour ago, would it?” He spoke with a lisp caused by the lemon-shaped candy. Severus, wide-eyed, turned around to face you. “Yes, Mr. Snape, you should know by now, I know what goes on at my school.”</p><p>“We’re sorry, headmaster. It’s just been a crazy day and we really just needed to not be in class right now—“ You rambled out an apology.</p><p>“Silence, child. I’m not here to scold you. I think you two have some. I’m simply here to remind you that what you leave behind is not always what you have, but what you could have.” The words were clearly meant for Severus and his eyes looked at you for his addition. “But I believe you have someone to help you with that.” </p><p>Dumbledore was getting ready to leave, but Severus stood up, “Um, Headmaster…” The older turned around and raised his eyebrows. “Do you think that could stay a secret, sir?”</p><p>“Ah, yes.” He gestured zipping up his lips. “I learned that from a muggle man in London.” He smirked and left the room. </p><p>“I swear, that man is away with the fairies.” You laughed and sat down with Severus on the bed. </p><p>—————</p><p>You were two years into a more serious relationship with Severus and you weren’t having a good morning. You were the first person to wake up in your house and it wasn’t because of the owls hooting outside of the glass windows. You felt sick to your stomach. You didn’t have time to put a silencing charm on the bathroom. Luckily you were in the second-floor bathroom, or Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom and hardly anyone ever went in there. </p><p>“Gah! Who’s sick this early in the morning? You woke me up from my beauty sleep!” </p><p>After wiping you lips you choked out a response, “you don’t need to sleep. You’re a ghost.” You rolled your eyes. </p><p>“Oh, am I?” You heard the dead girl’s voice outside of your stall. “I get bored. There’s no one to talk to.” </p><p>She peaked her head through the stall door. “Geez, Myrtle. Can’t you knock?” You were too tired to realize that she couldn’t and she was too entertained to respond with a sarcastic comment. </p><p>“Oh, I know what this is about.” She giggled as you threw up into the toilet again. “Yes, I remember this happening to a girl when I was still alive.” </p><p>“Leave me alone,” you snapped back. </p><p>Myrtle didn’t respect your command at first. “It happened to my mother too.” Then she poked her head back through the stall. </p><p>You finished coughing, “What did you say?” You wanted to laugh, but you knew what she was alluding to.</p><p>Myrtle giggled, “Oh, yes. Mornings like this for about 2 months and then her belly got real big and kept getting bigger.” </p><p>“That’s crazy. I’m not pregnant.” At least, you didn’t think you were. </p><p>“It’s either that or someone gave you bad pumpkin juice.” She watched you swallow down bile. “That’s fine, don’t listen to me. No one ever wants to listen to Moaning Myrtle.”</p><p>—————</p><p>It turned out that Moaning Myrtle was right. You thanked the gods that you were able to hide your growing belly under your robes most of the time, but Severus was beginning to question why you didn’t want to be physical with him anymore. </p><p>“I knew you’d turn out to hate me too.” The poor man blamed himself and there was nothing you could do to ease his pain. Neither one of you were ready to be parents.  You weren’t about to burden him with a whole life to take care of. You didn’t even know what you were going to do after you graduated. </p><p>“Severus, you don’t understand—“ You wanted to explain it to him so bad. You wanted to just let it out and stop hiding it, but he was going to join the death eaters. He couldn’t be a father. </p><p>“I don’t want to understand, y/n. Just— just leave me alone.” If things were going to end, he wanted to be in control. He wanted to call it off himself. </p><p>You watched him storm off away from you, the both of you fighting back tears. You sat on your bed with your head in your hands. A kick to your stomach and you placed a hand in the spot. “It’s just you and me, kid.” You decided then that you had to keep your baby.</p><p>It was the last day of school and you knew you wouldn’t be going home. </p><p>Severus still wouldn’t talk to you. You had to remember how to exist without him. For yourself and for your kid.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>